{"id":374,"date":"2018-11-06T16:23:22","date_gmt":"2018-11-06T16:23:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/udbjorg.wordpress.com\/2018\/11\/06\/begravelse-i-barisal\/"},"modified":"2026-02-07T23:44:12","modified_gmt":"2026-02-07T22:44:12","slug":"begravelse-i-barisal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.udbjorg.com\/wordpress\/?p=374","title":{"rendered":"A Funeral in Barisal"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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The span of forty days recurs across many traditions and religions. Jesus spent forty days in the wilderness, and in some Hindu traditions the 40th day is marked by a family gathering where the loved one\u2019s favorite things are assembled. During those forty days of mourning, the eldest son is expected to shave his head and body and remain clean-shaven throughout.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For a time I worked for a company that produced 3D visualizations. I was living with most of my family in Dhaka, the capital of Bangladesh, and traveled frequently to Singapore to present our capabilities to various firms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For weeks I had been bombarding a director at a large shipbuilding company\u2014Keppel Singmarine\u2014with emails, and we had finally agreed to meet. One day I arrived at his office, eager to show him our work on my laptop. He was a tall man, as tall as I am, and his background was impossible to place\u2014he could have been from anywhere. I tried several times to catch his interest, but nothing landed. He remained impassive, asked no questions, offered no comments, and let me talk. It was odd, and I struggled to keep up the energy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Out of the blue he asked if I lived in Dhaka, which I confirmed. He then told me he was also from Bangladesh but hadn\u2019t been home in twenty-two years. Ah, I thought. He would, however, be in Dhaka the following week and asked if we could meet there. Sensing a better chance to connect, I said yes and suggested dinner at the Nordic Club. We had a deal\u2014though his interest in my professional pitch hadn\u2019t budged an inch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That Thursday he called, and we set a time. We met outside the club, went in, and took a table in the small restaurant. We each ordered a gin and tonic and some food, and we talked about everything but work\u2014more personal matters and how we saw the world. He turned out to be a deeply philosophical man who seemed to relish serious, reflective conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After an hour he told me he had come to Bangladesh for his mother\u2019s funeral\u2014a mother and a family he hadn\u2019t seen in the previous twenty-two years. No wonder the conversation had run deep, I thought. He then asked if I would like to come along. Absolutely, I said; I would be honored to attend his mother\u2019s funeral. We agreed to meet at his hotel the next day, a Saturday, and set off for Barisal, a day\u2019s drive from Dhaka. His family came too, so we traveled in two cars\u2014my driver and I in one, the family and my new friend in the other. It was a long, difficult journey, crossing several rivers and inching along roads that demanded the utmost caution. Late in the evening we finally reached Barisal and checked into a place that, with some generosity, could be described as a hotel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Ikke hotellet, men udsigten fra v\u00e6relset. Det hele var 0 stjerner<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The next morning we arrived early at the house where the funeral would be held\u2014a private home with a large tent raised in the front garden. I met the entire family and suddenly felt I\u2019d stepped into something profoundly intimate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a>
K\u00f8kkenet<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I considered it a privilege to meet people who, with such openness, allowed me to take part in something as personal as a funeral rite. As it turned out, it wasn\u2019t the Muslim funeral I had expected but a Hindu observance\u2014and not the burial itself, but the conclusion of the forty days that had passed since the interment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Medicinmanden er ved at forberede, men en af s\u00f8nnerne g\u00f8r moderens seng klar.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Inside the tent, the mother\u2019s bed and her belongings had been arranged. On the floor before them a rug was laid out, and upon it sat the eldest son\u2014head and body shaved\u2014otherwise naked, clothed only in a simple robe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Den \u00e6lste og glatbarberede s\u00f8n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Laid out before him was an array of bowls and plates, each holding its own offering\u2014spices, oils, salves, incense, and fruit. Opposite him sat the officiant\u2014a priest, perhaps a healer, whatever his exact role.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a>
Medicinmanden vejleder min ven<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

He chanted prayers while striking small brass cymbals, pausing now and then to stir something on a plate and then anoint the brother with it. At other moments the brother himself would take something from a bowl and eat it, or hold it between his joined hands. The rite continued\u2014and would go on until sunset. I stayed for only about half an hour, after which my seat was taken by another guest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a>
Den glade \u00e6gtemand sammen med sit barebarn efter et vel overst\u00e5et ritual<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

A Hindu ritual I will never forget\u2014unique in itself, and all the more striking in Bangladesh, where the population is overwhelmingly Muslim and the Hindu community is only a small minority.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The span of forty days recurs across many traditions and religions. Jesus spent forty days in the wilderness, and in some Hindu traditions the 40th day is marked by a family gathering where the loved one\u2019s favorite things are assembled. During those forty days of mourning, the eldest son is expected to shave his head […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1036,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1218],"tags":[70,71,111,171,172,173,179,180,181,182,193,210,221,239,319,323,359,370,371,372,402,442,472,473,478,479,480,482,544,545,573,575,649,753,759,800,810,857,861,884,896,901,941,951,952,957,959,1006,1007,1027,1146],"class_list":["post-374","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adventures","tag-3d-visualization-company","tag-40-day-rite","tag-anointing-ritual","tag-bangladesh","tag-bangladesh-hindu-minority","tag-bangladesh-road-journey","tag-barisal","tag-barisal-bangladesh","tag-barisal-travel-story","tag-barishal-funeral","tag-begravelser","tag-body-shaving-ritual","tag-brass-cymbals","tag-business-meeting-to-friendship","tag-cross-cultural-encounter","tag-cultural-anthropology-bangladesh","tag-death-ritual-hinduism","tag-dhaka-expat-life","tag-dhaka-meeting","tag-dhaka-to-barisal-drive","tag-eldest-son-head-shaving","tag-family-mourning-rituals","tag-forty-days-after-burial","tag-forty-day-mourning","tag-front-garden-tent","tag-fruit-offerings","tag-funeral","tag-funeral-tent","tag-hindu","tag-hindu-funeral","tag-immigrant-return-home","tag-incense-offerings","tag-keppel-singmarine","tag-mothers-funeral","tag-mourning-period","tag-nordic-club-dhaka","tag-oils-and-salves","tag-personal-memoir","tag-philosophical-conversation","tag-post-burial-ritual","tag-priest-chanting","tag-private-house-ceremony","tag-reunion-after-22-years","tag-rites-of-passage-hinduism","tag-ritual","tag-rituals","tag-river-crossings-bangladesh","tag-shraddha-ceremony","tag-singapore-business-trip","tag-south-asian-funerary-customs","tag-unexpected-invitation"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.udbjorg.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/image-12.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.udbjorg.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/374","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.udbjorg.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.udbjorg.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.udbjorg.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.udbjorg.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=374"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.udbjorg.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/374\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4637,"href":"https:\/\/www.udbjorg.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/374\/revisions\/4637"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.udbjorg.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1036"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.udbjorg.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=374"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.udbjorg.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=374"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.udbjorg.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=374"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}